Cry Me a River

Inspired by Gina Abelkop

Sluuuurp sluuurppp mmmmm! Oh yum how we love our sweet tea peach lavender organically-sourced bottled oil mmmm! Drinking oil makes our throats so dry that we can only squeaaak together and make a chorus of breaking vocal cords but who cares because we can always squeak and squawk until our heads get light and we float above the clouds singing and singing without a voice no more! Our favorite oils are at the top of the market with bedazzled rainbow sparkles and 3 flavor combos! Mango! Pineapple! Blue raspberry! Mmmmm!

We think the flavored oil tastes better than water we don't even remember water not at all! Water is the word we do not use because some people miss the days of water but all those empty holes where oceans used to be are much more fun we think!! We live next to a big hole and our friend Jamie flings himself down the sides of the hole and is super duper good at sliding as he sings CRY ME A RIVER but he hasn’t had any water only oil so his squeak is so good and we cheer and cheer! YAY JAMIE!!! Our hole used to be a river but we don’t remember rivers because there are no rivers no more. NO RIVERS FOR JAMIE!!!!

We have a parrot in a cage who is a very spoiled silly little bird! We give her oil because she is parched parched parched but she is so spoiled that she only drinks water so we say THERE IS NO WATER LITTLE BIRD but she responds with WATER WATER WATER! How can we fix our little bird!? We bought wings so we could match our little bird they have blue and purple feathers filled with sparkles so when we flap it sparkles the whole room! We love sparkles!! We eat sparkles too! If we buy blue sparkles we pretend it is water and we chug chug chug remember when we used to do that on hot summer days?! Now on hot days we melt cause oil doesn’t freeze silly goose!

Jamie is also such a silly goose we always go HAHAHA JAMIE SO SILLY when he cries and cries but nothing happens cause there is no water so there are no tears HAHAHA! We always drop oil off at Jamie’s house cause we are such good friends but he doesn’t like our oil which is quite rude of Jamie but oh well! His house is filled with pictures of waterfalls and rivers which is so silly Jamie because we don’t have that water anymore! Nope none nada!

The end of water came with the end of tears, and only the strongest held onto their emotions. Water had been on the verge of extinction for some time, and each year brought even more violent fights for water and fits of rage in the middle of the street. Jamie put a fence around our river so no one could steal our water, but people quickly found out that we had the last source and the FBI came and shot down the fence, sucking up the water with their big long hoses that looked like snakes.

We used to have another little bird, but she didn’t make it because she couldn’t get used to drinking water. Her body got smaller and smaller until she was so shriveled up that we couldn’t see her anymore. This is what happened to children too. At first, the government prioritized the children but once everyone learned how short their lifespan was, they gave up. There are no more children because they all shriveled up into little balls without their water. Weak. But we don’t need children anymore cause we have our new flavorful and drinkable oil! All that water was so bland anyways and no one really likes kids. We do miss our bird though. But we have our new silly one! And mango pineapple blue raspberry oil!! Mmmmmmm!

Sarah Walcott '22

PROSE